future hagwon teachers will sit and chuckle.

The name’s Kadri, Laurens, Neville, Faisal, Phineas, Riley, Brinley, Frankyl, (take a breath, continue) Kieran, Gertie, Khogan, Finnegan, Dixie, Enchil, Knowles, Crisp, and Steadman are my favorites – again, only the name’s – of three-hundred and sixty-one. It’s difficult to memorize that many names. Three have ironically become unforgettable in just one day.  ¶  Firstly, Hotch. Hotch rhymes with “Scotch, scotch, scotch!” Today was the first day I put the name to the round-face. And until today, I had only seen and mentally tagged this boy with: fat, a lazy-ass, a lazy-eye, the one who whines. Scotch is short for “butterscotch”. Consume too much butterscotch, and you’ll look like Hotch Hotch Hotch.  ¶  Secondly, Ellis. I was informed today that Ellis is epileptic. Epileptic Ellis.  ¶  Lastly, Fergus. Completely under the radar over the first four weeks of school, and today I think I know why – he has shitty luck. Fergus has a lisp. Asians have difficulty enunciating their r’s and l’s ( “l’s and r’s” is what you’ve just heard if one is reading this to you out loud). Thus, when I asked Fergus to stand and introduce himself to the class, his bashfulness was not for lack of understanding, it was that he innocently pronounces his name “fukgh-us.”  ¶ Enter uncontrollable laughter.